I am fighting against a giant God has said that I am not supposed to fight. I am fighting in my own flesh and not allowing God to fight, because he will not fight this fight for me to win. I have chosen to put myself in a fight that is clearly not acceptable to God.
I am not only hurting myself, but a friend, a ministry and my family. God has been trying to get my attention but I have known better. That is why I have been fighting against this giant I had no reason to be fighting in the first place.
This giant is so juxtaposed against everything I have valued until I decided to fight this giant. I should have fled this giant, but I chose to stand against it toe to toe and it has defeated me. This giant temped me and I succumbed to its challenge. I knew better than to fight this giant, but the pleasure of fighting this giant was more than I could say no to and I have lost.
I have tasted sin and in the mouth, it is sweet. It is bitter in the soul. It is poison to the spirit. It is hate against self. I have become that which I would never have guessed I would become. Nevertheless, why should I feel that way? Am I not the worst of all sinners? Am I not the most despised, careless person I know? Why should I expect to be holy when I am not holy? Why should I expect to fight against giants and win if I am fighting the giants alone?
I am truly at a spiritual crossroads. I am now been crushed by the weight of my sin. I have to decide today whom I am going to serve. Am I going to continue to fight giants alone or am I going to submit to His authority and only be in the fights against giants that He picks and chooses to fight for me? I cannot continue to live in treason against the one I love. I cannot continue to rebel against heaven and the one who cares for me.
The following is a song named VOW from Geoff Moore:
I could make a promise to you, But that would be too easy to do. You see I’ve made them before, And broken them and they’re no good anymore. So I’ll dig a little bit deeper, Give you something you can keep I will make a vow to you, And it will never change no matter what I do. Right here, right now, In the midst of the crowd, I stand alone and make my vow. Whatever it takes I will be faithful This is my vow. As the words fall from my lips, We both know the life I live, How I stumble and fall, How many times I land short of the call. I will confess my inadequacy, Throw myself into the mystery. That somehow in the depth of your love, You will help me do what I’m not capable of. Right here, right now, In the midst of the crowd, I stand alone and make my vow. Whatever it takes I will be faithful. Right here, right now, Let there be no doubt. Let every whisper, with every shout, Let the whole world know I will be faithful, This is my vow.
Geoff Moore will never know how much he has impacted my life with this simple song. Today, God I make a vow to you. I am not fighting this giant anymore. I am worn out, bruised, beaten up and thrown to the side of the road by this giant and that is no place for one of your children.
You have fought against spiritual giants for me, I now vow to you, I will let you fight this one.
